The Road of Life

At first, I saw God as my observer, my judge, keeping track of the things I did wrong, so as to know whether I merited heaven or hell when I die. He was out there sort of like a president. I recognised His picture when I saw it, but I really didn't know Him. Later on when I met Christ, it seemed as though life were rather like a bike ride, but it was a tandem bike, and I noticed that Christ was in the back helping me pedal. I don't know just when it was that he suggested we change places, but life has not been the same since. When I had control, I knew the way. It was rather boring, but predictable... It was the shortest distance between two points. But when He took the lead, He knows the delightful long cuts, up mountains, and through rocky places at breakneck speeds, it was all I could do to hang on! Even though it looked like madness, He said, “Pedal!" I worried and was anxious and asked, "Where are you taking me?" He laughed and didn't answer, and I started to learn to trust. I forgot my boring life and entered into the adventure. And when I'd say, "I'm scared," He'd lean back and touch my hand. He took me to people with gifts that I needed, gifts of healing, acceptance, and joy. They gave me gifts to take on my journey, the Lord's and mine. And we're off again. He said, "Give the gifts away; they're extra baggage, too much weight." So I did, to the people we met, and I found that in giving I received, and still our burden was light. I did not trust him at first, in control of my life. I thought He'd wreck it; but he knows bike secrets, knows how to make it bend to take sharp corners, knows how to jump to clear high rocks, knows how to fly to shorten scary passages. And I am learning to shut up and pedal in the strangest places, and I'm beginning to enjoy the view and the cool breeze on my face with my constant companion, Jesus Christ. And when I'm sure I just can't do anymore, He just smiles and says....  

"Pedal."

The Road of Life (Author Unknown)

This is the speech I memorised for a speech competition in the seventh grade, I believe. I got a blue ribbon for it and was also asked to give it at our end of the year “Best of the Best” school program. (Be aware that I went to a private school with 250 students total, so don’t be too impressed.) Anyways, when I picked this monologue I thought it was cute and fun to say and it had lots of opportunities for embellishment to get me that blue ribbon. And I was right, but I never really looked at this speech and evaluated it against my own journey with God until now. As a private school kid, I definitely knew about God. I had bible class every day and chapel every Thursday. My teachers were Christians and all the families in the school were Christian. It was an amazing community and I loved it. But I never really looked at the Christian faith, thought on it, and made it my own. It was more like a lifestyle. Like the monologue says, I noticed God was there, but I was in control. It was not until my certainty in life was taken away that I realised I couldn’t be in front anymore. It was sort of like I had crashed the bike and realised I sucked at steering. It prompted the best decision I’ve ever made: giving Christ the lead. I still get nervous and try to take back my position in the front, but let’s be real… Jesus really does know bike secrets. Or rather, life secrets. I mean he came and lived the perfect life on earth. That guy was nice, he never lied, he was nice to his parents and siblings…all the time…loved the convicts and prostitutes and low-lifes, and touched the people with contagious illnesses that made your skin fall off only to heal them. Seriously, if Jesus came to earth today I’d want to be that dude’s BFF. The New Testament tells us about how much he kicked every else’s butts at doing life right. Given the option, I’d much rather him help me out and steer me in the right direction than screw it up myself. So, that’s pretty much what I did. I definitely still reach for the steering wheel at times and sometimes Jesus slaps my hand and says “Hands off.” Other times he lets me try and I either realise I’m going to crash and quickly jump back to my spot in the backseat. Other times, I crash and he picks me up, dusts me off, and sets me back on my seat. Either way, life is much better when he is in front. I am so glad I believe in a God that has a plan for me and wants to help me along the path to accomplish it.

Jesus Loves Me, This I Know

My time at Capernwray is two weeks to close. As the end draws near, I am realising many things about this place that are so unique and nearly all of them involve the people. It is amazing to be in a room of 150 people and know without a doubt that nearly all of them love you because Jesus loves them. I love 1 John 4. It is a chapter of the Bible where the apostle John attempts to convey who God is in His deepest essence. When I read it, I can nearly see John sitting there thinking to himself, “how can I explain God to the church? How do I make it clear?” And then he writes out the next fourteen verses which go something like this…   

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: he sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. 

This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: he has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Saviour of the world. If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgement: in this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

We love because God first loved us. Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother or sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. And he has given us this command: anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.

This passage tells us all about how God totally embodies the characteristic of love. All of his traits flow out from this one fact. If I know God, as well as the 152 other students living in this place we call home, then we know his love. I am going to boldly state that if you know God’s love, you will want to show it to others. That is why Capernwray Bible School is such an amazing place. It is a body of students looking to support you, encourage you, pray with you and for you, be kind to you, give you things, and ultimately be God’s love to you. What an amazing place of encouragement for Christians! There are a few places on the Sarah Girard Heritage Tour (the places where my faith was impacted), and I can tell you for sure: Capernwray is one of them. As I think about going home and leaving this place, my sorrow is evident. I am really going to miss it here. I find solace in the fact that I still get two more weeks in this place, with these people. What a blessing. I can only praise God for giving me this time here and allowing me to make such amazing friends. It will be really difficult leaving and not having them around at all times to talk to and turn to for help, but I know that I have made more sincere and genuine friends here than I have ever made in my entire life and I thank God for them each and every day.

A Wee Scottish Adventure

About two months ago I had the immense pleasure of spending a week and a half in Scotland on an outreach trip. It was much the same as a missions trip. We had a very wide range of fields we worked in, such as school, in the church, with the elderly, with toddlers, and most everything in between. It was quite the adventure. I was incredibly blessed by the experience and hope I was a blessing to others as well. It was an emotional roller coaster, but I enjoyed every moment. There is something about an experience that stretches you that makes it so much better. I have never been put out of my comfort zone so many times in such a short period (but in the best way possible). Personally, I did not go looking for opportunities to share my life story in front of thirty or more people. I do not particularly love doing new things, like gigantic live paintings (see youtube link below) in front of one hundred students without practice. Thankfully every situation turned out well, but overall I cannot tell you how much the experience truly meant to me. 

It began with the people. God amazingly  blesses us with the people he puts into our lives. I was one of six girls on my team. An unlikely group of near strangers turned into an amazing group bonded by hard work, laughter, and love for each other and the Lord. The pastor my team worked with could not have more perfect. A father of two grown boys, he was way out of his comfort zone with six ladies. Di is David’s wife. She is so kind and incredibly funny. Their home was our home for the ten days we spent there and even when we were giggling, dancing, playing record albums, painting, or making sandwiches they loved having us all the same. (Or at least I hope so…) We grew incredibly close and started calling them mom and dad by the end of the week. Then there was our extended team, made up of Lynsey, Laura, and Robbie. They helped with driving, support, organisation, and making our team a hundred times better. I am so glad I had the chance to get to know them because they made me feel comfortable and when I was nervous about anything, their encouragement and smiling faces eased my worries about the task at hand. Then there was the church family. They opened up their homes for us to stay in and fed us amazing food. If I were to thank them solely for the food they provided, it would need to be one ginormous thanks. That was just how they cared for our physical needs. I know they prayed—and continue to pray—for us often. As well, they provided transportation for us, cared for us, went out of their way to get us resources like church cookbooks with Scottish delicacies in them, and were genuinely interested in us. Even simply their interest would have been incredible, but they went above and beyond for my team and I.

The second big part of outreach was what my team did. As I said previously, we did quite a variety of things and like most would, I have my favourites. Everything we did was very fun, but my top four were giving my testimony at the Sunday evening service, visiting some of the church members in their homes, doing the live painting at the school assembly, and spending time with the Youth Fellowship. They were all rewarding in different ways and taught me different lessons. Giving my testimony showed me that my trials and the lessons I have learned, even in just my short 18 years of life, can make an impact on others lives. Visiting the church members blessed me by showing me that even those who are blind or struggling with old age or loss have joy throughout their undesirable circumstances. Doing the live painting showed me that artistic talents can be used to impact others in Jesus’ name. And spending time with the Youth Fellowship helped me realise that generation holds the next missionaries, pastors, evangelists, business men and women, teachers, and leaders. They are those that will impact their peers, children, and even their elders in whatever circumstances life leads them through.

Because of this experience, I can definitely say I have been changed. I am not sure in exactly what ways, yet, but I can say that I believe that it was for the better, and there is none to thank for that but God. 

Walking with God

I often find myself going through my day focused on all that I need to get done, bustling around and when I finally fall into bed at night I think back on my day and realise I was entirely consumed with myself or others all day long and very unfocused on God. And to think I'm at bible school. Sometimes I feel inadequate of my place at Bible School, until I realised and remembered that I am not perfect. I will always be held back by human nature and it takes a long time to get rid of old, bad habits. That is no excuse for not praying during my day, but it was something that I needed to recall when I started getting down on myself because of that reason. Before I really started developing my relationship with God, I did not take much care for how often we talked throughout the day, but the desire for that continuous conversation was one of the main reasons I chose to come to Bible School. What a difficult yet rewarding goal to try to achieve! I often still find myself getting to the end of a day with a lack of prayer, but it isn't a one day switch. I'll be working on this through to the end of Bible School, and for every day after for the rest of my life. But the reward comes in those God moments you get to experience while trying to accomplish the goal. I have had the extreme joy of experiencing God in a very real way on one of my walks. I was talking to God while on a walk alone, and I turned next to me as if I was talking to a real person because I had forgotten that God wasn't visually present. I felt him there and turned to talk to Him like he was there and it was amazing to experience that very real presence. Even in the smaller circumstances like talking to a friend that you can see God in, or seeing someone doing a kindness for someone when they are hurting. One of the greatest things about Bible School is experience God in such a real way. It is something that I intend to take back with me and pass along. It's a real gift to be able to see God in the little things.

"The One" and Dr. Seuss Crossroads

I’m not sure if you’ve ever heard of Jefferson Bethke, but he posts videos on youtube about various Christian topics. He has some amazing videos out there like “Counterfeit Gods” and “Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus.” I was watching a few of his newer videos the other day and happened upon one entitled “How Do you know Someone is ‘The One,’” and it really got me thinking, like many of Jeff’s videos do. His answer to this question was... there is no “one” and my dreams of fairytale came crashing down. And rightly so. Jeff went on to say that if there was “the one” for each of us, someone must have messed it up somewhere because we’re humans and that’s our method of operation to perpetually mess up without the help of our Savior. Therefore, there couldn’t be one for us, but many people that could make each of us happy, and we get to choose which one fits us best and draws us nearer to God. This logic makes a lot of sense. Jeff continued by saying that we, especially women, become way too obsessed with our ideas of our perfect “one” and it creates an impossible dream that no man will ever be able to fulfill. By this point in the video, my head was reeling. I realized very quickly that I had begun creating a perfect man and it would only create a very sorry, lonely me. But what is more, Jeff had proposed and backed up a view very contrary to what I believed, and it scared me. My mind flipped through faces and back again wondering if my idealistic and utterly unattainable view of my perfect man had made me pass by the right guy for me. I was all of the sudden very confused. This new perspective didn’t make sense to me. I realize now that what it didn’t allow for was my lackadaisical perspective on following God’s plan for my life. I wanted to rely on God to insert the perfect guy into my life at just the right time. But that’s not what He does. I view my life and all the paths it could take much like a Dr. Seuss crossroads. I have many possible paths and I need to discern which path leads me closer to God. But just like in life, there are many possible ways to get from Point A to Point B. From my house I can take probably ten different routes to get to where I’m sitting right now in Starbucks. Two of those take exactly the same amount of time, just having seen different scenery along the way. The point I’m trying to make is this: I believe God allows us a bit of wiggle room in our decisions; the gift of free will. There are a million ways I could go with my life and a thousand that will end up bringing me closer to my Lord and Savior. A hundred of those are paths I would enjoy and learn a lot through. Depending on what course I take according to the decisions I make, life will introduce me to different people. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” Our God promises and assures us a life in which we will blossom into beings closer and in better resemblance to Him, if we choose to follow Him. What He does not promise is there will always be one path to choose from nor does He ensure that we will always choose right. He will help us along the way, but we will inevitably mess up and take a less than perfect route. Thus far in my much less than perfect life of decisions, I have had the pleasure of meeting thousands of people. Any one of those thousand, or the thousands more I will meet, could make me very happy and help me to lead a Christ-centered life. God knows the plans He has for me. He knows which path I will end up taking, but it is up to me to take it. He knows the man I will end up choosing, but it is up to me to choose him. I can’t get anywhere if I don’t actually decide where I want to go. I have to take in active role in life, I can’t just expect God to do it for me. I am blessed with the assurance that He has a divine plan, but He can’t live my life for me, and I have realized if I want Him to then I am missing out on living life for myself. I was given the gift of life and I choose to live today, yesterday, and every day forward.

Christmas is Coming!

First term is wrapping up and school is coming to a close before a long break. I’m super excited to go home and see my sisters and parents and friends, but at the same time it is going to be so weird to be away from this place. I honestly love Capernwray. From my roommates to my friends to the lectures to the atmosphere as a whole, I love each and every piece. Save maybe for some of the meals... It is such an encouraging place. I still struggle with different things, but I know there is always someone to listen to me and offer me advice or a prayer. I am truly blessed by the people here each day. It’s so odd to think that I’ve only been here for three months. And yet I have learned so much. Here’s just a few things:

• God’s plan is superior
• My life was given for a purpose, and that purpose is to serve my God with my whole heart
• I have some amazing friends that love me a lot
• Lectures and assignments have helped me come to know my Saviour on a deeper level
• God’s plan for my life needs to be sought
• My family is something I deeply cherish, enjoy, and love
• God is a God of miracles

And that’s just a very, very few. I didn’t even go into details about what I’ve learned during lectures. But that is probably because I’m still processing all that information (info overload!). And I am grateful for each thing I have learned. It’s crazy to know that this year is equipping me for the rest of my life. As a Christian, my life should be used to tell the gospel and the more I’m here and the more I learn, the better equipped for life I am.

My Roomies (aka My Family)

Well, this isn’t a typical post for me, but my gorgeous roomies want me to post about them, so I will. Because I love them. Every day I get to wake up to the most awesome six girls I have ever had the chance of living with, and every evening I get to come home to our little family of seven (or should I say eight. We adopted one. :) ) They make my life bright. From our dance parties to our Christmas music debacle, from the newly thrifted Christmas tree on our table to Samm’s funny comments when she’s half asleep, from the advice and comfort they give to our prayers together, they truly are the best. I don’t know how I got so lucky to be with these amazing ladies, but God was certainly good to me. I cannot imagine having any other roommates. It is going to be very hard when Christmas break rolls around and we all have to pack up our stuff knowing that when we all return we won’t be with each other any more. I hate that. I want to stay roommates with them forever. Sure our room is super messy and maybe we should get in bed before midnight each night, but we love each other and that’s all I care about. It makes me sad that all you reading this don’t know them, so I’m going to tell you a bit about each one.

Emilie is from Canada. I’d tell you which province, but let’s be honest, they’re all the same in my mind. She is super fun to be around and is always bursting with energy. We both enjoy our dance parties very much and play on the same floor hockey team here. Canada is Almost America (yes, that is our team name) will be entering the playoffs after an amazing victory tonight. We won 4-2 and Em scored twice. That’s my girl!!! She loves to joke around and laugh her adorable laugh that makes me smile. She is absolutely beautiful inside and out.

Sam is also from Canada. She is such a sweetheart. You can just tell that as soon as you start talking she is listening and really cares to hear what you have to say. She loves to have fun and her dance moves are really good. She reminds me of my little sister in that regard. She has such a kind heart and her caring attitude just melts your heart. She sincerely embodies tender-heartedness and I love that so much.

Clare is also from Canada (sensing a theme?). This sounds funny but she is my adorable, little dinosaur. She is just a cutie through and through, from her clothes to the things she says. I really appreciate her willingness to share, and her tolerance for our loudness when she is going to sleep. She has such a gentle heart, and her outlook on life is very happy and excited. Her love for life is refreshing.

Marissa is from the USA. She lives in a town called Linden on the west coast. She has a mother’s heart through and through. She is tender and caring, but is firm when necessary (like at 12:30 in the morning when we still haven’t turned off the lights). She is very comforting and is always there to listen and give advice when asked. Her faith in the Lord is incredible and very apparent by her life and way of living it. 

Maggie is also from the USA, but was born in Egypt. She is crazy at times, but I love her. She is always thinking of us, and when she gets things, she gets them for the room, and not just for herself. She purchased our Christmas tree, and is always doing funny things. She makes me laugh, but she also is so sweet. She comes up to me nearly every day just to give me a hug and tell me she loves me. I am blessed by her. 

Karen is from Canada too. She is the quietest in our room, but her sincerity is loud and clear even when she is silent. She is slow to speak, but quick to love. She is so passionate about many things in her life like drama and music, and it is so refreshing to behold. She has a beautiful smile and this sweet, soft laugh. I am so grateful for her presence in our room.

And Samm is our adopted roommate. She is Sam’s best friend (I know, lots of Sams). She is from Canada as well. She is so strong at heart but at the same time so incredibly caring. It is a truly beautiful combination. I don’t understand how she manages both sometimes, but she does. Every night she says goodnight to us all individually, and her love is apparent. She is there to rub my back and soothe me when I’m down. It is so amazing to be able to have her in our room even if she doesn’t usually sleep there. She is a wonderful addition to our room, and I am so happy we get to love her on a daily basis.

Those are my roommates in a nutshell. We are crazy. We are loud. We are messy. We are silly. But we are sisters, and I thank God for them each and every day. I love you ladies!