My Child

My child, I love you. Did you know I love you? You are young—newly formed by my careful hand—and do not understand me yet, but I wait patiently for the day to come that we can walk together. I observe each and every day as you make sense of the earth you inhabit. You learn to crawl, then walk, then run, and dance. I smile and help pick you up when you fall. I care about you so deeply—even deeper than you could ever imagine, but that doesn’t stop me from loving you even more with each passing day. Now you are part of the world—in it and influenced by it. My heart quickens when I send one of my friends to you. My helper demonstrates me, introduces me, and tells you how I desire to have a relationship with you. I want to be your friend, your counsellor, your guide. You listen… I wait patiently for it to take root. My friend goes on to tell others of my love, and in the absence you forget and become lost. My heart sinks. You are confused, turning down paths in desperation that take you further from me. I watch as you pour yourself into relationships that end and leave you broken and more lonely than before. I want to help you, but you won’t accept my hand. I look on as you try to find happiness in nice things, but not even the best cell phone or clothes fulfil you like I can. I wish you would take my hand. I stare sadly as you try to make things better by improving your image. You think that your outward appearance would be better if you altered yourself to look more like everyone else, but I fashioned you as a unique individual with careful deliberation. I put all my effort into making you, you. I made you a breathtaking soul, but you don’t realise it. When improving your image doesn’t work, I hold my breath as you start to think it would just be better to end it all, to just give up and not have to deal with the pain any longer. I call out to you as you toy with objects that have the power to end the life I gave you. I see the sadness in your eyes, and my heart breaks again. I’m here. I’m here to listen even when you think there is no one left to care. You haven’t seen me yet, though. I watch as you toy with death, completely unaware. I call out for you over and over. You still can’t hear me. You resolve to play with death no longer. Life will never give you the completeness you desire, and neither will the danger of passing away. You have come to the end and do not want to go on any longer. I shout as loud as I can, but you don’t listen. Again, I scream your name. You are distant. Death comes up and grips your hand, propels itself towards you. But before it overtakes you, before it ends you right there, I shout out in desperation one last time. Oblivion dissolves from your countenance; death pauses ever so briefly. I step in between you and death’s power. Finally, you see me. Finally, you hear my voice. I love you. Did you know I love you? You rush to my embrace and I hold you to my heart. You make me promise I will never let go. I never did let you go, I reply. I never did.

I'm a Blugold Now

Identities... We all have them, get caught up in them, try to change them, but one thing never changes.  No matter how much you may try, you will always have one. It's impossible to escape and it kind of stinks. What if I do not want to be the quiet one or the outgoing one or the funny one. What if I want to be all three or none of the above? Imagine a world where we all got to choose how everyone perceived us... It would be nice for every to look at me and see someone who enjoys a good competition but also happens to dress nicely. To be looked at as the nice Christian girl that is outgoing, but not labeled, therefore, as a prude. So many times I find myself worrying about how to phrase things so that I do not give away certain facts about myself. Or do you ever catch yourself sort of talking up your own person? "Ya, I work out a lot. Oh I'm a biker, I've ridden in triathlons before. Here's one minute fact about my life that makes me cool and let's leave out the rest..." Why do we do that? It's like an innate need to make ourselves seem cooler.

But here is where it counts. Do you really think God created you to be one thing only? It says in 1 Corinthians 4:7, "For who makes you different from anyone else? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not?" God created each of us different. I have plenty of personality traits in common with family and friends and even strangers. What makes me and my identity unique is the combination of things that I am. I am a Christian. I am loving. I am artistic. I am outgoing. I am a traveler. And my being will always be transient. For now, I am a college student, a Blugold.  And some things I will never get the chance to be again. The youngest child. A kindergartener. A bible school student. Regardless of where I am in life, my identity will always be changing. There may be parts of it that I do not like or may try to hide, but I can find the basis of my identity in Christ. The rest just makes me, me.

Here's to a New Adventure

College... I do not know if it is a dreaded, anticipated, or largely unexciting word but it always seems to come up right about the age of sixteen or seventeen. Then once you hit eighteen and you have researched, toured, and finally chosen a school the follow-up question hits the market. "What are you going to study?" Well I considered Canadian studies, floral management, auctioneering, but ironically landed on decision sciences. Not! I am going to college to study... yeah, I got nothing. The horrific title of "Undecided." Sure, I know I like art and I have narrowed the list to exclude all math and science related degrees, but that still does nothing to ease the panic of having to choose what I want to do for the rest of my life. Let's take a moment to let that phrase sink in... the rest of my life.

Now, I am not writing to give you all a panic attack or make you reconsider your major once you have already chosen, so I will get to the point. If I am human, I have likes and dislikes which I am aware of. Those will eliminate probably two thirds of the majors available. From there my hobbies and interests will eliminate a bunch more. Then I have the fields I find interesting left. But how do I go from a list to just one? I bet there are many ways I could mess up a decision like this. I bet I will mess it up at least a little bit. I bet I will choose then re-choose at least once. But even in this valley, there is hope for tomorrow because I have God lighting my way. No, I do not think God has or will give me a divine sign stating the major He intends me to pursue. In reality, I do not think it really matters to Him as much as I think it might. Do you want to know why? Because I think that all God really wants for me to pursue is Him. If that means making art or planning weddings or running a charity or advertising products, I think it does not really matter as long I am following Him first. The I am Second movement has a solid point. (www.iamsecond.com) It does not matter if I am an athlete, musician, artist, business person, entrepreneur, doctor, or teacher. What matters is what I put first in my life. What a solid reality check. When I am working my summer job, it is not the kids I nanny that come before everything. When they are naughty, I have to remember to be patient and loving like Jesus was. When I am at school, it is not my studies that come first. I cannot have a clear mind to study if I am constantly thinking about things that are bothering me and not bringing them to God. When I am at home, family time does not trump God time. This one is hard, but I cannot be an example of a daughter or sister if I do not have the help of my Saviour. It seems like such a trivial thing to pursue God first because I am a Christian and that should be a given. But I will say it is my daily struggle and it will be until I join Him in eternity.

So, maybe for now I do not know if I will be an artist, event planner, writer, or charity worker. And maybe that does not matter so much. I will still worry about it, but it will all work out for His glory. So here's to a new adventure of pursuing God first and seeing what follows.

DIY Image Transfer

Hello all you crafty people out there! If you are reading this, then you are likely in a similar boat to me. I saw a cool pin on Pinterest advertising the ability to transfer my photos onto canvases and that they would look artsy and distressed. I thought to myself, "Cool! New project with a vintage feel AND the ability to save a few bucks on getting canvases printed for me." So ensued the adventure... I started with the transparency and gel medium method. It was a bust; the image came out streaked and unrecognisable. Next, I looked into a method posted on Instructables which was very time consuming so I decided to try out my own. In the end, this was the best way.

First, you need to gather your materials. You need:

• acrylic gel medium (I used Liquitex gloss heavy gel)
• paint brush
• canvas
• an image printed on printer paper
• spoon

Next, apply a thin coat of gel medium onto your canvas. Make sure it is evenly spread by applying in an up and down motion, going back over with side to side and diagonal motions and then returning to the up and down motion. The next step should occur immediately following so the gel medium does not have time to dry.

Now, you will need your image to transfer. I chose three to transfer: a picture of my school in England, the Grand Canal in Venice, and a London bus. I printed them ahead of time on my standard printer from home on printer paper. Lay the paper ink-side down on the gel medium coated canvas. Now, take your spoon and rub (burnish) the paper. Be meticulous. Any area left un-burnished will not transfer. I spent a good 5 minutes burnishing. If you are not sure if it is ready, peel up a corner of the image to check. 

If the image is ready, peel the paper slowly back from the canvas. The result should be a slightly grainy looking image... perfectly vintage. Add embellishments such as sharpie text, fake flowers, lace, etc. after giving the image 24 hours to dry. Hang in groupings or alone for a handmade, one-of-a-kind decoration. 

The far left image was burnished for 3 minutes as opposed to 5. 

You can see the difference it makes in the overall effect.

I hope this was helpful, and if you have any questions or comments or pictures of your finished projects, please comment below. Thanks all and have a perfectly crafty day!

The Road of Life

At first, I saw God as my observer, my judge, keeping track of the things I did wrong, so as to know whether I merited heaven or hell when I die. He was out there sort of like a president. I recognised His picture when I saw it, but I really didn't know Him. Later on when I met Christ, it seemed as though life were rather like a bike ride, but it was a tandem bike, and I noticed that Christ was in the back helping me pedal. I don't know just when it was that he suggested we change places, but life has not been the same since. When I had control, I knew the way. It was rather boring, but predictable... It was the shortest distance between two points. But when He took the lead, He knows the delightful long cuts, up mountains, and through rocky places at breakneck speeds, it was all I could do to hang on! Even though it looked like madness, He said, “Pedal!" I worried and was anxious and asked, "Where are you taking me?" He laughed and didn't answer, and I started to learn to trust. I forgot my boring life and entered into the adventure. And when I'd say, "I'm scared," He'd lean back and touch my hand. He took me to people with gifts that I needed, gifts of healing, acceptance, and joy. They gave me gifts to take on my journey, the Lord's and mine. And we're off again. He said, "Give the gifts away; they're extra baggage, too much weight." So I did, to the people we met, and I found that in giving I received, and still our burden was light. I did not trust him at first, in control of my life. I thought He'd wreck it; but he knows bike secrets, knows how to make it bend to take sharp corners, knows how to jump to clear high rocks, knows how to fly to shorten scary passages. And I am learning to shut up and pedal in the strangest places, and I'm beginning to enjoy the view and the cool breeze on my face with my constant companion, Jesus Christ. And when I'm sure I just can't do anymore, He just smiles and says....  

"Pedal."

The Road of Life (Author Unknown)

This is the speech I memorised for a speech competition in the seventh grade, I believe. I got a blue ribbon for it and was also asked to give it at our end of the year “Best of the Best” school program. (Be aware that I went to a private school with 250 students total, so don’t be too impressed.) Anyways, when I picked this monologue I thought it was cute and fun to say and it had lots of opportunities for embellishment to get me that blue ribbon. And I was right, but I never really looked at this speech and evaluated it against my own journey with God until now. As a private school kid, I definitely knew about God. I had bible class every day and chapel every Thursday. My teachers were Christians and all the families in the school were Christian. It was an amazing community and I loved it. But I never really looked at the Christian faith, thought on it, and made it my own. It was more like a lifestyle. Like the monologue says, I noticed God was there, but I was in control. It was not until my certainty in life was taken away that I realised I couldn’t be in front anymore. It was sort of like I had crashed the bike and realised I sucked at steering. It prompted the best decision I’ve ever made: giving Christ the lead. I still get nervous and try to take back my position in the front, but let’s be real… Jesus really does know bike secrets. Or rather, life secrets. I mean he came and lived the perfect life on earth. That guy was nice, he never lied, he was nice to his parents and siblings…all the time…loved the convicts and prostitutes and low-lifes, and touched the people with contagious illnesses that made your skin fall off only to heal them. Seriously, if Jesus came to earth today I’d want to be that dude’s BFF. The New Testament tells us about how much he kicked every else’s butts at doing life right. Given the option, I’d much rather him help me out and steer me in the right direction than screw it up myself. So, that’s pretty much what I did. I definitely still reach for the steering wheel at times and sometimes Jesus slaps my hand and says “Hands off.” Other times he lets me try and I either realise I’m going to crash and quickly jump back to my spot in the backseat. Other times, I crash and he picks me up, dusts me off, and sets me back on my seat. Either way, life is much better when he is in front. I am so glad I believe in a God that has a plan for me and wants to help me along the path to accomplish it.

Jesus Loves Me, This I Know

My time at Capernwray is two weeks to close. As the end draws near, I am realising many things about this place that are so unique and nearly all of them involve the people. It is amazing to be in a room of 150 people and know without a doubt that nearly all of them love you because Jesus loves them. I love 1 John 4. It is a chapter of the Bible where the apostle John attempts to convey who God is in His deepest essence. When I read it, I can nearly see John sitting there thinking to himself, “how can I explain God to the church? How do I make it clear?” And then he writes out the next fourteen verses which go something like this…   

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: he sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. 

This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: he has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Saviour of the world. If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgement: in this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

We love because God first loved us. Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother or sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. And he has given us this command: anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.

This passage tells us all about how God totally embodies the characteristic of love. All of his traits flow out from this one fact. If I know God, as well as the 152 other students living in this place we call home, then we know his love. I am going to boldly state that if you know God’s love, you will want to show it to others. That is why Capernwray Bible School is such an amazing place. It is a body of students looking to support you, encourage you, pray with you and for you, be kind to you, give you things, and ultimately be God’s love to you. What an amazing place of encouragement for Christians! There are a few places on the Sarah Girard Heritage Tour (the places where my faith was impacted), and I can tell you for sure: Capernwray is one of them. As I think about going home and leaving this place, my sorrow is evident. I am really going to miss it here. I find solace in the fact that I still get two more weeks in this place, with these people. What a blessing. I can only praise God for giving me this time here and allowing me to make such amazing friends. It will be really difficult leaving and not having them around at all times to talk to and turn to for help, but I know that I have made more sincere and genuine friends here than I have ever made in my entire life and I thank God for them each and every day.

A Wee Scottish Adventure

About two months ago I had the immense pleasure of spending a week and a half in Scotland on an outreach trip. It was much the same as a missions trip. We had a very wide range of fields we worked in, such as school, in the church, with the elderly, with toddlers, and most everything in between. It was quite the adventure. I was incredibly blessed by the experience and hope I was a blessing to others as well. It was an emotional roller coaster, but I enjoyed every moment. There is something about an experience that stretches you that makes it so much better. I have never been put out of my comfort zone so many times in such a short period (but in the best way possible). Personally, I did not go looking for opportunities to share my life story in front of thirty or more people. I do not particularly love doing new things, like gigantic live paintings (see youtube link below) in front of one hundred students without practice. Thankfully every situation turned out well, but overall I cannot tell you how much the experience truly meant to me. 

It began with the people. God amazingly  blesses us with the people he puts into our lives. I was one of six girls on my team. An unlikely group of near strangers turned into an amazing group bonded by hard work, laughter, and love for each other and the Lord. The pastor my team worked with could not have more perfect. A father of two grown boys, he was way out of his comfort zone with six ladies. Di is David’s wife. She is so kind and incredibly funny. Their home was our home for the ten days we spent there and even when we were giggling, dancing, playing record albums, painting, or making sandwiches they loved having us all the same. (Or at least I hope so…) We grew incredibly close and started calling them mom and dad by the end of the week. Then there was our extended team, made up of Lynsey, Laura, and Robbie. They helped with driving, support, organisation, and making our team a hundred times better. I am so glad I had the chance to get to know them because they made me feel comfortable and when I was nervous about anything, their encouragement and smiling faces eased my worries about the task at hand. Then there was the church family. They opened up their homes for us to stay in and fed us amazing food. If I were to thank them solely for the food they provided, it would need to be one ginormous thanks. That was just how they cared for our physical needs. I know they prayed—and continue to pray—for us often. As well, they provided transportation for us, cared for us, went out of their way to get us resources like church cookbooks with Scottish delicacies in them, and were genuinely interested in us. Even simply their interest would have been incredible, but they went above and beyond for my team and I.

The second big part of outreach was what my team did. As I said previously, we did quite a variety of things and like most would, I have my favourites. Everything we did was very fun, but my top four were giving my testimony at the Sunday evening service, visiting some of the church members in their homes, doing the live painting at the school assembly, and spending time with the Youth Fellowship. They were all rewarding in different ways and taught me different lessons. Giving my testimony showed me that my trials and the lessons I have learned, even in just my short 18 years of life, can make an impact on others lives. Visiting the church members blessed me by showing me that even those who are blind or struggling with old age or loss have joy throughout their undesirable circumstances. Doing the live painting showed me that artistic talents can be used to impact others in Jesus’ name. And spending time with the Youth Fellowship helped me realise that generation holds the next missionaries, pastors, evangelists, business men and women, teachers, and leaders. They are those that will impact their peers, children, and even their elders in whatever circumstances life leads them through.

Because of this experience, I can definitely say I have been changed. I am not sure in exactly what ways, yet, but I can say that I believe that it was for the better, and there is none to thank for that but God.